Meltdowns....and many more!

Every child has meltdowns.  At least that is what I call them...the crying, the not listening, the tantrums  and on and on.  Isabella seems to be having more of them (or maybe that is just my perception).  Sometimes I know what precipitates them and other times I do not.  She may start crying; she may go limp and refuse to move so that you are picking her up by her arm and feeling like you are going to pull her arm out; or she may starting running around with no purpose and is hard to control; holding her is not always an option as she wriggles out of your arms.    

When Isaiah (almost 2) has a meltdown, it is not easy but I know that one day he will understand and learn to control his feelings better.  When Isabella has a meltdown something happens inside of me....my body becomes tense, I feel anger sometimes and I feel sadness that my daughter has to act like this because she cannot explain to me her feelings.  Sometimes I want to scream or just sit down and cry.  I am just being honest.   My hope is that she will grow out of this to a degree....but what if she doesn't?  She has such difficulty understanding danger and safety and listening because she doesn't understand what those terms mean and what consequences can happen because of her actions.   As soon as she comes out of her meltdown, my body relaxes and I feel like I can have a somewhat normal life again.  

I think this is my post of honesty today....

Recently I have been feeling distant from the Lord and I know it has to do with my struggles with Isabella.  We are told in Scripture that we will have trials, right?  Wouldn't it be great if we could pick and choose our trials so we could prepare ourselves a little better?  Of course, life doesn't work that way.  My child has difficulty with understanding and communicating in a typical way....but, what about those parents that have to endure losing a child; raising a child who may never walk; having a child with health issues and being in and out of the hospital (the list goes on and on)?  There are people that have to endure so much more than me and yet I pity myself at times....yes, that is wrong, but again this is my honesty post!

In church today there was talk of humans wanting to be in control and not submitting to God (that is in my own words) and the trials and testing of faith that Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had to endure with the fiery furnace.    Here are my 2 thoughts:  
1. Daniel 3: 17-18: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."  

I believe without a doubt that God can heal Isabella even with a permanent genetic condition.  But, even if he does not (and this is very hard for me to accept...that even if He does not)....I must continue to serve my God and praise His name because He is the one in control.

2. Isaiah 29:16:  "You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!  Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"?  Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"?

I am the clay and the Lord has formed me and created me.  God is in control....and I pray that He continues to remind me of that.